It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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