I'm going to jail i love you
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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