I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
