i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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