This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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