sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
