I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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