It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
