Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
