You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
