you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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