So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
