I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
