I cannot find my penis.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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