I should be sponsored by Trojan
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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