can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
