I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
