You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
