this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
