I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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