last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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