I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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