If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
