you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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