Michael Bay diarrhea
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
