Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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