You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
