yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
