What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
