Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
