I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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