look no pants
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
