I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
