I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
