Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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