Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
