New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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