Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
