Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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