Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
