Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
