I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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