his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
