When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
