no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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