I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
