I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
