Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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