Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
