im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
They have beer where we have blood.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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