turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
