I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
