arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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