a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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