JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
