i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
