If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
