is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
