I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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