My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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