I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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