Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
