My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
