when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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