you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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