I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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