I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
