I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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