Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
