Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
