I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
