listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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