He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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