Duck Duck Cougar?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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