Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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