you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Alive.
So much puke
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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