gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
