i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
